Convicted

I'll be honest.

I'm mad at God.

A friend recently learned that his 4-year battle with cancer appears to be coming to an end. Despite aggressive treatment. Despite thousands of prayers begging for complete healing in this body. He's been a friend since high school and is married to another dear friend from our college years. My heart is broken. Still so young, how can his work among us be completed? Don't be mistaken - I fully realize that my friend will soon have his reward and perfect healing.

My anger surprises me. A faith-filled woman, I am convinced beyond all doubt that an unseen heaven awaits us all and certainly this Godly man. An earth-bound woman, I am selfishly hanging on to what I see, what I want, my own plans for these friends.

Had an appointment with my cardiologist for a check-up yesterday and was told "your EKG is unchanged from last time I saw you." Good news, of course. But the minute he said the words, I thought "Maybe that's just the problem, my heart is not changed."

Over these past two weeks, God has blatantly revealed His providence, patience, and peace to me in a multitude of ways. He is repeating the message "Trust me. I'm in control." Perhaps most glaringly through the eyes of my dear friend.

Convicted. Still mad, but willing to listen now.

Change my heart...make me new.